What Is a Grief Attack and What Can You Do if You Have One?

We usually associate grief with emotions, including sadness and despair, that we feel in the wake of a loss. But grief can also affect us physically, and even cause “attacks” akin to panic attacks.

Because grief isn’t linear, grief attacks can strike seemingly at random, months after a loss. Though the symptoms can be scary, there are many ways to cope. If you’re having a hard time working through grief attacks on your own, mental health experts can also provide support.

What Is a Grief Attack and Why Do They Happen?

Though the phrase “grief attack” is relatively new, the concept isn’t. “The terminology ‘grief attacks’ is not something researchers have used a lot until the last couple of years,” says Saren Seeley, PhD, a postdoctoral fellow in the department of psychiatry at Mount Sinai in New York City. They’re also sometimes called “waves of grief,” “pangs of grief,” or “sudden temporary upsurges of grief (STUGs),” Dr. Seeley says.

• Trembling
• Sweating
• Numbness
• Dizziness or lightheadedness
• Shortness of breath
• Chills
• Heart palpitations
• Feelings of longing for the deceased
• Feelings of sorrow related to the deceased

The psychological component of a grief attack mimics that of separation anxiety, Seeley says.

“We can think of grieving as a form of separation distress, at the core,” she explains. This is one thing that differentiates acute grief from depression. Yearning is a strong, active desire to reunite with our lost loved one and fight the reality that we can’t.

That “fight” can trigger symptoms that occur during a panic attack, which differentiates a grief attack from an experience of acute grief, Lee explains.

Anything that reminds you of your loved one — their handwriting, a photo of them, their coat hanging in the closet — can trigger that combination of physical and psychological symptoms that define a grief attack, Lee says. Attacks can happen anywhere, but are most likely to occur when you’re alone in your own environment.

“People usually have them when doing solitary activities at home,” he explains. Though it may be counterintuitive, you shouldn’t try to avoid triggers, Lee says. This may lead you to avoid certain reminders of your loved one, which is not a recommended grief coping strategy — nor will it necessarily prevent you from having another attack.

Grief Attack vs. Panic Attack: How to Tell the Difference

Grief attacks and panic attacks have a lot in common.

The biggest difference between a panic attack and a grief attack, Lee says, is what you’re mentally focused on when it happens.

During a grief attack, a person focuses on their lost loved one. For instance, someone experiencing a grief attack may have thoughts such as, “Why are you gone?” or “You left me too early,” alongside the physiological symptoms, Lee says.

It’s possible to grieve something other than a loved one who has died — for example, a home lost to a natural disaster or the way a person was before becoming terminally ill. Researchers don’t know if these types of experiences can prompt a grief attack, and Lee hasn’t heard of any anecdotal evidence suggesting that they do.

“A grief attack is as intense as a panic attack, but during a panic attack, you don’t also have symptoms of acute grief,” Lee says.

The duration of a grief attack is also similar to that of a panic attack. Most last 30 minutes or less, Seeley says. But they can be longer.

7 Steps to Handle a Grief Attack

There are many techniques you can try to lessen the severity of a grief attack. It may be helpful to try out a variety of approaches to see which ones help you the most, Seeley says.

1. Do Jumping Jacks (or Another Brief, Intense Exercise)

2. Eat Sour Candies

3. Dunk Your Face in a Bowl of Cold Water

4. Try to Pace Your Breathing

5. Practice Relaxing Different Muscle Groups

6. Be Mindful of Your Grief

7. Practice Acceptance

Acceptance — which involves allowing yourself to think and feel uncomfortable thoughts and emotions rather than trying to suppress them — is crucial to your grief journey, and may help you during a grief attack, Seeley says. “Allow yourself to feel the grief instead of pushing it away.”

When to Seek Professional Help

If you’re experiencing grief attacks nearly every day or they’re interfering with your daily functioning, reach out to a professional, such as a therapist or bereavement counselor, for help. If you need help finding a mental health practitioner, ask your primary care doctor for a referral.

It can be very difficult to determine whether someone is having grief attacks or has prolonged grief disorder, Seeley notes. “Where do you draw that line? The way I think about it, it’s like the difference between acute stress and post-traumatic stress disorder,” she says. Your provider can help you determine which one you’re experiencing and what steps you can take to feel better.