Mitul’s brother, whose name is kept private for confidentiality, received constant care from his parents, with whom he lived for many years. But after he stopped taking his medication consistently, the family could no longer manage the more severe episodes on their own.
“Given the unpredictability of [my brother’s] behavior, crises would pop up from time to time,” says Mitul.
Eventually, the Desai family recognized that they couldn’t give him the care he needed and made the decision to move him into a supportive housing facility. The facility has on-site staff that provide regular meals and room care, as well as routine medical visits from doctors and nurses.
“Because [my brother] is not in a position to live independently, he needs that infrastructure to ensure his room and daily needs are cared for,” says Mitul.
Although the transition wasn’t completely smooth, Mitul and his parents could take comfort in knowing their loved one was safe and being given the best care possible.
In addition to trying to sustain a strong bond with his brother, Mitul also struggled with maintaining outside relationships. The reason: “survivor’s guilt,” or the belief that he didn’t deserve happiness while his brother was managing a mental illness.
“In a way, you almost feel good about denying yourself happiness, because you feel like you’re doing it to maintain camaraderie with your loved one,” says Mitul. “You think, ‘He is living a difficult life, so I will do the same to show him respect and empathy’.”
Over time, Mitul realized that robbing himself of joy and happiness wasn’t improving his brother’s situation. It was compromising his ability to care for him. For Mitul to be truly happy, he needed to stop closing himself off from others and, instead, share his brother’s diagnosis and his role as a caregiver.
Eric R. Williams, MD
Medical Reviewer
Eric Williams is the associate dean of student affairs and career advising and associate professor of neuropsychiatry and behavioral science at the University of South Carolina Sch...
