How Weight Loss Can Affect Your Relationship — and How to Stay Connected to Your Partner

Losing weight can feel like a big win, so you may assume your partner will be cheering you on along the way. But when one person in a relationship loses a lot of weight, especially in a short amount of time, new challenges can sometimes arise.

“When couples go through major life changes, including weight loss, it can be a vulnerable point in a relationship,” says Molly Burrets, PhD, an adjunct professor of psychology in the marriage and family therapy department at the University of Southern California in Los Angeles and host of the relationship podcast Kissing Frogs.

Understanding what’s driving the tension — and where your partner is coming from — is the first step to reconnecting.

One person losing weight isn’t always a negative for relationships. But in some cases, “It creates a divide between partners,” says Camille Espinoza, LICSW, founder and clinical director of the Center for Intimacy & Relationships in Washington, DC.

Your Sex Drive May Be Stalled — or Revved Up

Your partner’s reaction to your new body can also have consequences. “If all of a sudden your partner is more attracted to you because you’ve lost 30 pounds, that’s sort of a double-edged sword,” says Dr. Burrets.

Your Lifestyles May Be Different Now

Maybe you’ve gotten into the habit of hitting the gym for an hour after work when you and your partner used to spend that time unwinding with a glass of wine. Or you now prefer to cook simple meals at home, instead of exploring new restaurants with your partner.

These kinds of social shifts can support your weight loss goals, but if the old habits were a core part of your relationship, you and your partner might find it harder to connect, says Espinoza.

You May Act a Bit Differently

Your Partner Might Feel Pressure or Judgment (Even When It’s Not Intended)

It’s not uncommon for people on a weight loss journey to focus on their health and wellness regimen, leaving their partners to question their own priorities, says Burrets. If your partner is carrying excess weight, they might start to feel pressured to drink your newly adopted protein shakes, too, or go to pickleball on Saturday mornings. Or worse, she adds, they may feel that you’re looking down on them for not following along — even if you don’t mean to do that at all.

Whether you’re already feeling some strain in your relationship or want to prevent weight-related issues with your partner, these tools can help.

Talk About Your Feelings

Having open, honest conversations can help you and your partner understand where the other is coming from and feel more connected. “You want to understand what’s happening inside your partner’s mind from a place of curiosity and compassion,” says Espinoza.

If you need some guidance on where to begin, you could ask your partner questions like:

• How do you feel about my new body?
• What sorts of shifts have you noticed in our relationship or in my personality?
• Are these changes bringing up anything new for you?

Your partner could ask you questions like:

• How do you feel in your new body?
• How do you feel on your medication (if you’re taking one)?
• Are your priorities or goals shifting?

Remember That You’re a Team

Get into the mindset of tackling problems together, rather than shaming and blaming each other. “Try to think of it as, ‘It’s not you or me. Rather, there’s this stressor outside of our relationship that we can tackle as a team,’” says Burrets.

Maybe your partner is disappointed that you’re spending Sunday mornings in yoga class instead of cuddling on the couch. That’s probably because they want to keep spending time with you on the weekends — a problem you can solve together. For example, maybe you meet up after yoga in a park or at a coffee shop, or you shift lounge time to Saturday mornings or Sunday evenings instead.

Find New Ways to Connect

Eating together — and drinking alcohol, in many cases — are bonding activities for many couples. If rituals like going out to eat, cooking big meals on the weekends, or grabbing cocktails together aren’t happening much anymore, you’ll need to find other ways to spend time together.

Start by talking about what you both enjoyed about your old activities, Espinoza says. If you used to go out to dinner every Saturday, discuss why it was meaningful: Did you enjoy spending time with just your partner, getting dressed up, or the food itself? Depending on your answers, you can brainstorm new activities that meet those same needs.

See a Couples Counselor or Attend a Support Group

Certain issues in a relationship may always seem to lead to fights. That’s where a professional can help. “If something becomes too intense or so reactive that you can’t talk about it without screaming or completely shutting down, that’s time to bring in a couples therapist,” says Espinoza. Your healthcare provider can refer you to an expert, or try searching for a therapist in your area using a tool such as Mental Health Match.

Weight loss support groups can be another resource. Some groups allow partners to join, and there are others just for partners of people who have lost weight. Your doctor can be a good source for recommendations, as can your local hospital.

• Weight loss can shift your relationship dynamics in unexpected ways, in part because you may have more confidence or different priorities.
• Some partners can feel left out, pressured, or unsure about what these weight loss changes mean for the relationship.
• If you’ve shifted your eating or drinking habits, and food used to be a way for you to connect with your partner, try to find new things to do together. This can help strengthen your relationship as you continue working toward your weight loss goals.