Dos and Don’ts of Supporting a Partner With Depression

Depression doesn’t just affect the person living with it — it can ripple through every part of a romantic relationship as well. It’s natural to want to help, but it can be hard to know exactly how to support a partner with depression. Should you give them space or lean in? Offer encouragement or simply listen?

The good news: There are compassionate, practical ways to show up for your partner without losing yourself in the process. Small, steady actions — like validating their emotions or maintaining a daily routine — can create a sense of safety and connection for both of you.

Below, experts share a number of dos and don’ts for supporting a partner with depression, plus tips for taking care of yourself along the way.

Here’s what mental health experts recommend doing to offer real, sustainable support when your partner has depression.

Do Validate Their Experience

When a loved one feels hopeless or stuck, your first instinct might be to cheer them up or point out the positives. But those well-meaning words often backfire.

“Say things like, ‘I can see how hard this is for you,’ instead of trying to talk them out of how they feel,” says Nilisha Williams, a licensed professional clinical counselor supervisor and the clinical director of ACE Wellness Center in Strongsville, Ohio. “Validation reduces shame and helps them feel understood.”

Alyssa Kushner, a licensed clinical social worker and the owner of AK Psychotherapy in New York City, agrees. “Depression can make people feel broken or like they are a burden,” she says. “Simply holding space and showing you can tolerate their pain helps them feel less alone.”

Do Encourage Seeking Professional Help

Williams says that encouraging them to try therapy or seek medical care from a psychiatrist is a way to show them that you take their depression seriously — and lets them know that they aren’t alone in this.

Do Celebrate Small Wins

“Acknowledge even minor steps like getting out of bed, making a meal, or attending therapy,” says Williams. Over time, those small moments can become meaningful milestones that remind your partner that they’re moving forward, even if it’s slowly.

Do Help With Daily Structure

When depression makes even simple tasks feel daunting, gentle structure can help, says Williams.

Kushner also advises breaking things down into smaller steps. “Instead of pressuring big self-care, gently support daily routines, like eating, showering, or going for a short walk,” she says. “Depression makes even the basics feel overwhelming, so breaking things down reduces shame and increases follow-through.”

Do Communicate Openly

Williams recommends checking in directly: “Ask, ‘How can I best support you today?’ Some days they may need quiet presence, other days encouragement to get moving.”

This kind of open communication helps prevent missteps and fosters trust, she says. It also reassures your partner that they can tell you what’s truly helpful rather than what they think you want to hear.

Good intentions don’t always translate into helpful actions. Here’s what to avoid.

Don’t Try to ‘Fix’ Them

It’s tempting to want to solve whatever is hurting your partner, but depression isn’t something you can fix, says Williams. In fact, “trying to fix it can leave them feeling misunderstood or pressured,” she says.

Depression can make people feel broken or like they are a burden, and offering quick fixes can deepen that feeling, says Kushner. She says that listening and validating their emotions does far more to help than trying to make their pain disappear.

Don’t Minimize Their Feelings

It’s natural to think that focusing on the positive will help your partner feel better. But phrases like “just think positive,” “other people have it worse,” or “you have so much to be grateful for” can make things worse, says Kushner. They invalidate your partner’s pain and can make them feel even more alone.

Instead, when you validate their emotions — even the painful ones, and those that may worry you — you show respect for their experience and help them feel safe opening up again, she says.

Don’t Confuse Withdrawal With Rejection

Don’t Neglect Your Own Boundaries

“Micromanaging or shielding them from all stress can create dependency and burnout,” she explains. Healthy support balances compassion with accountability — for both of you.

Don’t Try to Replace Professional Help

Love is vital, but it isn’t a replacement for getting help from a qualified medical professional. “Trying to be their sole therapist puts both of you at risk,” says Williams. “Encourage formal treatment while offering steady companionship.”

That said, Kushner recommends against issuing ultimatums such as “you need to go to therapy or else,” because they can fuel shame and resistance. Instead, she suggests gentle encouragement.

Supporting a loved one with depression takes effort, patience, and care, which is why looking after yourself matters just as much. Here’s what Kushner and Williams recommend:

• Set clear boundaries. Offer empathy without taking on responsibility for their recovery — it keeps both of you grounded.
• Don’t take their symptoms personally. Their withdrawal or irritability is part of the illness, not a reflection of you.
• Talk about your own feelings. Confide in a friend or therapist to manage guilt, frustration, or helplessness.
• Take breaks when needed. Step away to recharge instead of pushing past exhaustion.
• Keep your own routines. Maintain your hobbies, exercise, and social life — consistency protects your mental health too.

• Supporting a partner with depression starts with empathy, patience, and validation, not trying to fix them.
• Encourage them to get professional help and communicate openly, but remember that you can’t be their therapist or cure their condition.
• Protect your own well-being with clear boundaries, regular self-care, and outside support when you need it, so that you can show up for your partner with consistency and compassion.