I Tried Growing Self for Couples Therapy, and I Actually Enjoyed It

With the boom of online mental–health companies, therapy is no longer relegated to somber offices with uncomfortable chaises and tissue boxes just out of reach. Now, with places like Growing Self, you can browse through dozens of mental-health professionals online before setting up an appointment from the comfort of your couch. For people like me, who avoid making phone calls like the plague, this ease and convenience of finding a therapist is life-changing. And some evidence suggests that I’m not the only one who feels that way.

I’ve been in and out of individual therapy since I was a child, from processing my parents’ divorce to dealing with disordered eating and working through postpartum mental health issues. So, I’m no stranger to opening up to an impartial party about my problems.

What I haven’t done before, though, is talk through those problems with my partner there, too. Yes, I’m talking about couples therapy. And even though it’s clear that this type of therapy works, I’ve also hesitated to dig up all our relationship issues and examine them under a microscope. Honestly, it’s scary. But in the interest of research and the pursuit of better communication with the person I love, I — or should I say, we — dove in headfirst. 

Growing Self is a counseling and coaching service based in Colorado that specializes in “love, happiness, and success” using evidence-based practices. It offers everything from individual therapy to couples therapy and coaching. You must live in Colorado to partake in therapy, which we do, so we were able to utilize the couples therapy option. We tested the service for about a month, which included one free consultation and two 45-minute sessions.

Signing up for couples counseling at Growing Self was a breeze. You start by booking a free consultation, either by browsing through clinician bio pages and clicking a link from their profile, or signing up with the general link on the main site. I opted to let Growing Self match me with a therapist.

Intake Forms

During the initial intake, the site asked for basic personal information. No medical history was collected, but it did ask for three reasons why you were seeking out couples therapy. All told, the process took about 15 minutes.

From there, I picked a date and time to have the free consultation. I received an email shortly after with the details of the appointment, and some information about the therapist we’d be talking with. At this point, I had no idea how much the service would cost or any idea how to switch to a different therapist.

Free Consultation

All of this information was presented in the free consultation, and then later reiterated in an email. We talked through cost, insurance, how to access care if we couldn’t afford the set price, frequency of sessions, and a bit about ourselves.

Our therapist has a master’s in marriage and family therapy and has completed training in the Gottman Method of couples therapy. At this point, I could have emailed our therapist to ask to be matched with a different clinician, but there was not an obvious way to do that on my own.

Scheduling Our First Session

Once we got off the call, my husband and I both felt comfortable moving forward with this therapist for our first appointment. It took some emailing back and forth over a couple of days to get it on the books, which made it pretty clear that she’s very busy during the day with other appointments. It was nice to have a direct line to communicate with our therapist, but I also knew I wouldn’t get a response right away. Payment was not expected until after we had our first session.

In the days leading up to our first appointment, I received several texts and emails from Growing Self reminding me of our session. Some came from “Jenelle,” the virtual assistant, with information about our appointment. A half hour before the appointment started, I got an email with a link to the video call. We had no problems logging on or connecting to the call.

Intake Session

I instantly felt the warmth and openness of our therapist, and I was comfortable opening up about myself and our relationship in the initial consultation. She told us a bit about her experience, the cost of the sessions, and how to use insurance. Then she asked us to tell her about ourselves.

About halfway in, I started to get a bit emotional during our talk, and soon after it felt like she ended the session a bit abruptly. I was under the impression it would last an hour, but it was cut short at around a half hour. That said, I chalked it up to time constraints and didn’t take it personally. From there, our therapist emailed us some more information, and we moved forward with booking our first session.

Our First Session

Having never done couples therapy before, I was nervous leading up to our first session. Would I have to spill my innermost feelings right away? Would it feel awkward with my husband there? Would I be able to hold myself together in the face of uncomfortable truths?

Thankfully, our therapist took the reins and guided our session with a series of questions, giving both of us space to express ourselves and our perspectives. She asked us questions about our “story,” whatever we wanted to share about ourselves, how we met, what initially drew us to each other, and what issues have felt hard in recent years. She then talked a bit about the narrative in our relationship. I recognized that as a therapeutic approach that helps couples rewrite negative narratives about their partner or their relationship to more-positive ones.

Was it emotional? Yes, but I also felt very safe. I attribute that to the warmth and understanding that our therapist approached us with. As the 45-minutes came to a close, I felt closer to my husband, and appreciated his openness and willingness to share his feelings with such vulnerability. I already felt lighter and more connected.

Our Second Session

During our second session, our therapist asked us questions about our present relationship: What feels good and what feels hard? Again, she gave us each space to talk through our feelings and perspectives. I remember looking at the time and thinking, “I won’t make it through 45 minutes of this,” and then I lost myself in the conversation.

We touched on everything from how we handle disagreements around parenting to our thoughts on managing each other’s emotions. When I came up for air again, we had five minutes left, and I wasn’t ready for it to end. That’s the mark of a good therapist.

There really is something about having someone hear your side — like, really hear you and repeat it back to you — that helps you feel understood, even if the person isn’t necessarily agreeing with you or taking your side. I felt like both my husband and I were less defensive and more willing to explore our own tendencies, all because we felt heard. Clearly, doing the emotional work is hard, but I started to see how it might actually work, too.

If you want to cancel or reschedule your appointment, the easiest way to do so is to sign in to your account and go to your appointments tab. You’ll see an option to cancel or reschedule as long as you do it 48 hours before your appointment time, except in cases of illness or emergency.

If you’ve missed that deadline, the policy is that you’ll be charged 50 percent of the session cost as long as you notify your therapist by email. If you miss the appointment without any notice, you’ll be charged for the full cost.

Unfortunately, I had to test out the rescheduling-with-little-notice policy before our first session. An unexpected snowstorm on that day meant our son was home from school, making it hard for both me and my husband to participate in a therapy session together. I reached out via email to our therapist to explain the situation and was able to reschedule for the next day. Our therapist was very understanding and didn’t charge us the 50-percent cost because we were able to reschedule for the same week.

Canceling altogether isn’t as straightforward, but you can email your therapist directly to cancel your sessions or call the customer service line. It’s not as simple as clicking a “cancel” button, like with some other sites. Theoretically, you might be able to cancel all your sessions individually in your appointments tab, but I didn’t test that out.

This is the first online therapy company I’ve tried, although I have worked with an individual therapist who I talked with online for about a year. Even though Growing Self is an actual company as opposed to a therapist in private practice, I still felt like the quality of therapy was there; I wasn’t just a cog in the wheel of its business. I actually felt connected to my therapist and appreciated that I had her direct email and phone number, much like when I worked with an individual therapist.

That said, Growing Self can only offer therapy in the state of Colorado, which means anyone outside of the state can only access the coaching services. I haven’t tried the coaching at Growing Self or anywhere else, so I’m not sure how effective or helpful that is to someone seeking mental health services.

Other online therapy companies — such as Regain, the couples therapy branches of BetterHelp, Talkspace, OurRitual, and Rula — are able to offer couples therapy to many more states in the U.S. than Growing Self. I haven’t gotten therapy at one of the bigger companies, so it’s hard to say if their considerably larger size translates to a loss of warmth and individual attention to their customers.

Growing Self is great for people living in Colorado who want to dip their toes into couples therapy. It’s easy to get up and running with a therapist within a week or so of taking the first steps, and it feels pretty low-pressure and judgment-free. It’s also relatively affordable. So, even if you’re struggling financially, it could work for you with the right therapist. The commitment to finding a way to help people out monetarily felt genuine. 

I also had no idea what to expect in terms of the quality of the therapist, but I was pleasantly surprised — so much so, that my husband and I actually decided to continue having sessions with our therapist. After just two visits, we felt the lines of communication opening and felt a positive shift in our relationship that was worth exploring further.

If you or a loved one is experiencing significant distress, domestic violence, or having thoughts about suicide and need support, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24/7. If you need immediate help, call 911.

Everyday Health is testing over 65 different online therapy companies in order to find the best ones. We use a systematic approach to testing, including reporting on and vetting each company’s business practices, interviewing and speaking with dozens of licensed therapists, surveying online therapy users, and testing each service with professional journalists and therapists.

As a health journalist with over 15 years of experience in the wellness space (and a lifelong therapy-goer), I tested Growing Self with a keen eye toward the details that matter, including:

• Website design and functionality
• Straightforward offerings and pricing
• Ease of signup, rescheduling, and cancellation
• Intake process
• Therapist qualifications
• Bugginess of platform and technical issues