How to Tell Others About Your Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder wasn’t entirely new to Fast — now a bipolar disorder expert and researcher — when she was diagnosed. Her partner at the time was diagnosed with the condition in 1994, just one year before.

Still, in her social circles, she found that most people did not know or understand her condition. “I'd go to a party, and maybe two or three people would say, ‘I know of bipolar disorder,’” says Fast, who coauthored the book Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder with John Preston, PsyD.

Because awareness of bipolar disorder and its symptoms is increasing, many people with the condition, like Fast, feel more comfortable sharing their diagnosis with others. “I can deal with whatever happens when I disclose my illness to others,” Fast says. “It will show who can help me and who can't.”

But some people with bipolar disorder may still feel hesitant to share their diagnosis, in part because of stigma and fear about how others will respond, experts say.

Why Sharing a Bipolar Disorder Diagnosis Can Feel Challenging

Fear of how others may respond as a result of stigma is another potential barrier. “They may worry that disclosure could negatively affect their relationships with friends, family, or romantic partners,” says Leanne Quigley, PhD, an assistant professor in clinical psychology at Yeshiva University in New York City.

When to Tell Someone About Your Bipolar Disorder Diagnosis

The decision about when to share your diagnosis with someone else is very personal. It can depend on the type of relationship you have with the other person and whether they seem to have some sort of understanding of conditions like bipolar disorder.

Your Significant Other or Someone You’re Dating

For romantic relationships, Fast recommends sharing a bipolar diagnosis as soon as possible. “I don't really support the idea of getting in a relationship with somebody unless you have fully discussed the impact of bipolar on the relationship,” Fast says.

But if you haven’t talked about your condition with your partner, it can be difficult for them to know what to say or do to help.

New Healthcare Providers

That’s why Fast told her doctors before a minor surgery that she was not comfortable being prescribed steroids, which are sometimes used to help reduce inflammation. “When they suggest steroids, and so many doctors use steroids, I explain why I can’t use them,” she says, adding that her doctors were receptive to her needs.

Your Friends and Family

When it comes to telling friends and family, it might take you some time to feel comfortable doing so, and that’s okay. Prioritize telling close friends and family members that you interact with frequently and who you feel understand you well, rather than people you rarely interact with, Fast says.

Before sharing your diagnosis with friends or family, Dr. Ambrose recommends asking yourself the following questions:

• Do you feel ready to share?
• Is there anything pressing or urgent happening that makes it important to tell them sooner rather than later, such as the onset of a mood episode?

Your Employer

7 Tips for Talking About a Bipolar Disorder Diagnosis

If you feel ready to share your diagnosis with someone else, here are seven expert tips to get the conversation started.

1. Prepare Yourself for All Sorts of Reactions

Just as people diagnosed with bipolar disorder may have a range of reactions to their diagnosis, reactions from others can vary, too. “We can allow the other person to ask whatever questions they want, have any type of response that they want,” says Fast.

Although some people may react positively to hearing about your diagnosis, others may react in a negative way. “Remember that your self-worth is not determined by a diagnosis of bipolar disorder or others’ reactions to your disclosure of a diagnosis,” Dr. Quigley says.

2. Talk About How Your Bipolar Symptoms May Affect Others

During a manic episode, some people with bipolar disorder may be more prone to engaging in risky or hurtful behaviors, such as cheating or lying. This can be common for people who are undiagnosed, Fast says.

Whether you’ve just gotten your bipolar disorder diagnosis or you’ve received treatment for a new mood episode, it could help to reach out to people who may have been harmed by your words and actions during the episode. It could be a message like, “I'd love to talk to you about my diagnosis because I know my behavior impacted you,” says Fast.

But it’s important to recognize that not everyone will want to engage in this conversation, especially if they feel really hurt by actions like cheating or stealing, for instance, Fast says.

If behavior related to a bipolar diagnosis hasn’t yet come up in your relationship with someone else, the person you’re telling may have questions about how it could affect the relationship in the future. Be prepared to discuss how any episodes could manifest.

3. Have a Summary on Hand

After sharing a bipolar disorder diagnosis, some people may have follow-up questions about your symptoms or, in the case of work, any accommodations you might need. “In certain situations, your loved ones [or employer] may know very little about mental health conditions, so it may be helpful to prepare a short summary about the condition,” Ambrose says.

The summary could be either written or verbal (or both), depending on what you’re most comfortable with.

4. Work With Your Therapist on a Plan to Tell Others

If you feel nervous or worried about sharing your diagnosis with others, your doctor or therapist could help you come up with the best strategy for you for sharing your diagnosis, says Fast. “Share most of your concern and your worries with your healthcare professionals because they're trained to handle it,” Fast says.

5. Understand Your ADA Rights (and Note That They Vary by State)

While the Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA), which prohibits discrimination against people with disabilities at work and all other areas of life, is a federal law in the United States, some state-level laws offer more protections than others when it comes to their own employment laws related to disability discrimination, says Ambrose.

“Given the complexity of work-related rights, you should learn more about your specific state’s legal statutes,” Ambrose says. In some municipalities, including New York City, Seattle, and Washington, D.C., there are local anti-discrimination laws as well.

If you’re in an area with less protection, it might be worth talking to a third party, like your state labor office, about the best approaches for disclosing a bipolar diagnosis at work. State offices affiliated with the U.S. Department of Labor can help you better understand your rights as a worker in the state you live in. The Department of Labor has a directory of state labor offices.

6. Offer Different Information in Different Situations

If you’re only comfortable disclosing the entirety of your diagnosis to some people and not others, that is your right. “You may choose to discuss certain parts of your experience with bipolar disorder and not others,” Quigley says. “It is okay to maintain boundaries and not share everything.”

7. Give Yourself Grace

It can be difficult to figure out how to tell others about your diagnosis. It’s important to take care of yourself during this time. “It’s even more important to cultivate a sense of empathy and grace for yourself during the process,” Ambrose says.

The Takeaway

• For some people, whether or not to share their bipolar disorder diagnosis with others can be a difficult decision.
• Deciding what details to share and with whom you’re comfortable sharing them with is personal and will depend on your relationship and, often, the other person’s prior knowledge of the condition.
• Experts say that preparing yourself for these conversations, discussing how bipolar disorder can affect your relationships, and educating yourself on your legal rights as a worker can all help you navigate disclosure conversations.