The Surprising Health Benefits of Taking a Break From Sex

To see why, look no further than TikTok, where #BoySober has generated more than 35 million posts from women outlining their motivations, including dating burnout, decentering men, and reevaluating relationship goals and boundaries.

The trend suggests celibacy for women today feels less like deprivation and more like empowerment that brings inner peace. “Celibacy may help reduce people’s stress with romantic relationships,” says Michelle Herzog, a certified sex therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist. “One of the most important benefits is a sense of agency.”

While dry spells or sexless relationships may lead to shame or stress for some women, experts say intentionally choosing celibacy can have great health benefits.

A sex-free sabbatical can be restorative after a tumultuous relationship, or even just fatigue from dating apps and related stress, says Tammy Nelson, PhD, a certified sex therapist, board-certified sexologist, and the director of the Integrative Sex Therapy Institute.

Dating can feel taxing because of the pressure society puts on women specifically to submit to sex, Herzog says. “Celibacy can free you from swiping to have sex and instead place more of a focus on who people are,” Dr. Nelson says.

Stepping back from stressful breakups or dead-end apps also helps alleviate guilt, shame, and confusion about your choices, Herzog says. “You won’t be asking yourself, ‘Oh my God, why did I do that with him? I'm gross. He just wanted me for sex.’ You won’t get caught in a repeated cycle of self-criticism, diminished self-esteem, and increased anxiety or depression,” she says.

Instead, you can step back and look at what pattern you’re in, Herzog says. “Ask yourself, ‘What do I have control of? How can I break the pattern if I don’t want to do this anymore?’”

Less time on the apps means you free up time and mental space for other things, like professional development or passion projects, says Herzog, who’s the founder and CEO of Center for Modern Relationships.

“If you spend significant hours of the week on apps and first dates at the cost of friends or family, then celibacy opens lots of opportunity to reconnect with people,” she adds.

With less focus on physical attraction, you might find more depth in your friendships and feel more attuned to connecting with people on a human level, says Ilana Grines, a Los Angeles–based licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex therapist.

Especially if you’ve had unenjoyable sex, Grines recommends using this time to understand responsive desire (sexual desire in response to specific conditions) versus spontaneous desire (instantaneous desire without needing specific conditions).

“Most women do not have spontaneous desire,” says Grines, who is the founder of the mental health and sexuality education platform Daily Therapy Dose. “This means you have to learn what conditions you need for desire. Ask yourself, ‘How do I know my body is ready to have sex? What do I think about when I’m aroused? What does my vagina feel like?’”

Masturbation can help you get in touch with your arousal, Grines says. “So many women have never looked at their vulva. You can use celibacy to learn about it and explore how you can experience pleasure without the pressure of a relationship.”

Grines recommends exploring your own body with a mirror, noticing color, shape, and sensation. Make sure you’re in a private, well-lit space where you can experiment safely.

Women’s sexual needs are often ignored or treated as less important than men’s, and this dynamic is frequently depicted in pornography. The problem is, many people get their sexual expectations from porn — which can be limiting for women, Herzog says.

“The main message we’ve gotten from porn is that sex is a male-dominated, aggressive act, and women take it and they like it,” she says. “So when young people have their first experiences, they’re potentially acting this out because it’s all they know.”

Working from this kind of distorted script can lead women to tune out from their own bodies or desires, Herzog says.

“Lots of women never talk about how they experience pain during sex because there’s this idea that you white knuckle through it because that’s your job,” Grines says. “Celibacy is the time to release that sexual script. Ask yourself what are things in your own body you’ve been overlooking or ignoring because you’re told you have to?”

“Think about the sexual experiences you’ve had that felt good, if any. Think about the ones that haven’t felt good — things that didn’t align with you or weren’t pleasurable or comfortable,” Herzog says. Then ask yourself, “What do I imagine I want my sex life to look and feel like? What boundaries are in place?’”

If these questions feel overwhelming, speaking to a sex therapist could help, Grines adds.

Celibacy can be a healing choice after sexual trauma, Herzog says. Sexual trauma could include assault, or having painful sex you didn’t know how to say no to, says Grines.

In these cases, celibacy is useful because it provides a sense of safety and control, says Herzog. “Women can say, ‘I’m making an intentional choice to not engage in this,’ and that alone really gives their sense of power back.”

Sexual trauma can be isolating, especially if loved ones don't understand why you’re taking a break from dating, Grines says. You can simply tell them: “I’m taking the time I need right now. I’ll let you know if that changes.”

Setting these boundaries is important. “We don’t owe our loved ones our reasoning, so no need to overexplain to manage someone’s emotional reaction to our pain,” Grines adds.

As you navigate your circumstances, a sex therapist can help you process what moving forward looks like for you. “There’s no pressure to date or resume sex, just the goal to create a sense of relief and permission to work through whatever you’re experiencing that day,” says Grines.

During celibacy, you have a clear head to ask questions that could help you eventually find a well-suited partner, Herzog says.

She recommends writing down your values in a partner — separate from sexual compatibility — to help you date intentionally. “There’s a sense of compatibility and belonging as a couple when you have the same values,” Herzog says. “So that’s the critical starting place, outside of where you live, how tall you are, what you look like.”

Return to your values list frequently as you meet people, she says. “Ask yourself, ‘Does this person have a sense of ambition, for example, or are they just clocking in and out? Does this person spend a lot of time with family and want a family?’ If they don’t want kids and you do, it might not align.”

Knowing this information can help you set clearer boundaries and not make concessions on your nonnegotiables, Herzog says. That doesn’t mean, though, that it’s only on women to do the work of maintaining a relationship. Healthy partnerships require equal effort and participation from both people.

If you’re unintentionally celibate — meaning you want to have sex but can’t find a partner — then abstinence can negatively impact self-esteem and mental health, Grines says.

Becoming celibate just because you see a TikTok trend might not be a good move, either. “Celibacy should be a choice and something to be curious about, not a prescription you hand out to everyone on the street,” Grines adds.

Make sure to reflect on why you want to be celibate: Have you had harmful sex that you need to process? Celibacy could help. Do you feel ashamed or like you just don’t deserve to have good sex? That should be worked through, perhaps with a sex therapist, Grines says.

Another consideration is making sure you meet your touch needs, as humans are wired for physical connection, Herzog says. “It doesn’t have to be sexual. It could be hugs with friends and family or getting a regular massage.”

Finally, while celibacy has benefits, enjoyable and consensual sex can also reduce stress, release dopamine, and enhance relationship satisfaction. So if you’re celibate, check in with yourself periodically to make sure it’s still empowering, not restrictive, Nelson says.

Whether you choose to be celibate or not, know that you’re not the only one responsible for improving your sexual experiences, Grines says. “Our culture needs to shift so that opting out isn’t the only path to feeling respected. We need better sex education, partners who prioritize pleasure, and dating norms that don’t put the entire burden of managing desire on women,” she says.