‘Why My Weight Loss Is None of Your Business’

Brenda Rogers hadn’t seen the man sitting next to her in at least five years. During that time, she'd lost more than 100 pounds.

“Brenda, oh my God, you look so different. I didn’t even recognize you,” the man said.

Rogers giggled uncomfortably. Encounters like this can be unnerving, she says. They prove just how much the way others see her has changed.

“I realize and can appreciate that I look much different to people, but the nuance is that I’m still me on the inside,” says Rogers, a 53-year-old community ambassador with Obesity Matters, an advocacy organization that provides education and resources to individuals living with obesity. “I’m still that same caring, hardworking, kind, funny person that I was — but now I’m getting all of this extra attention.”

It’s the moment after a person notices that she looks different that feels uncomfortable, Rogers says. They seem to be waiting for more details: Are you on medication? How much did you lose? And that information, Rogers adds, is none of their business.

A Weight Loss Journey in a GLP-1 World

Rogers was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes in the fall of 2022 and began treatment at a medical weight management clinic the following year. She progressed through weight loss medications such as semaglutide (Rybelsus and Ozempic) and tirzepatide (Mounjaro), while also attending educational webinars, participating in community support groups and food addiction counseling, and learning how to eat healthier.

In the years that followed, she lost more than 100 pounds (lb), and her A1C decreased from 7.6 percent (diabetes range) to 5.4 percent (target range).

Several celebrities on GLP-1s — Oprah Winfrey and Meghan Trainor to name two — have also spoken about their experience. But this has opened the door for public speculation around who is (and who is not) taking the medications.

“When someone offers a compliment and then visibly waits, there's an implied transaction — ‘I've said something nice, now you owe me the story,’” says Susan McClanahan, PhD, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago and a cofounder of the private therapy practice SpringSource, which specializes in eating disorders, mood disorders, and weight concerns. “For patients who used medication as part of their treatment, that waiting silence can feel like a forced choice between disclosing something personal and being perceived as evasive.”

What Makes a Conversation About Weight Loss Uncomfortable

Rogers says she’s happy to answer someone’s questions if they genuinely want advice or hope to find success themselves. It’s powerful to hear from someone else who has navigated a journey like weight loss, a major reason why Rogers became a community advocate for Obesity Matters, she says. But more often, it feels like curiosity about something else, Rogers says.

“A lot of people comment and say, ‘Brenda, you look great,’ and then they stop because they’re waiting for me to open the conversation about if I’m on medications,” Rogers says. “That’s nobody’s business. My weight isn’t any of my business, either.”

Rogers set out on her journey to change herself to do the work to get healthier. This has included following an eating plan, taking medication, going for walks daily, and caring for her mental health. The number on the scale, a metric that others can be relentlessly curious about, isn’t something she worries about.

Rogers says that questions about “how she lost the weight” can make her feel like she’s under observation, like an animal at the zoo, or judged. “Some people might be thinking, ‘Oh, obviously you’re on Ozempic, that’s the easy way out — and I can tell you, it’s not the easy way out,” she says.

Plus, comments and questions about weight bring other questions to mind for Rogers, she says, such as:

• Weight goes up and down in any weight loss journey — what will you say when I gain weight again?
• Do I only look good now? Did I not look good before?
• What do you think of me now?

Why the Number on the Scale Rarely Drives Weight Loss

While many people are interested in knowing how many pounds someone has lost, Rogers instead celebrates “non-scale victories,” like being able to cross her legs comfortably or wearing clothing that’s less flowy.

And research suggests that these factors may ultimately be more motivating to help her stick with long-term behavior change than chasing a number on the scale.

Studies show that extrinsic motivation (such as hitting a specific weight loss number or wanting to look a certain way for a class reunion) tends to be less effective than intrinsic motivation (such as enjoying a mood boost or sense of accomplishment from a good workout).

“When weight doesn’t cooperate, people with externally anchored motivation, such as praise or the number on the scale, have very little to hold onto,” McClanahan says. “It’s like a house with no foundation that looks fine until the weather turns. Patients with something internal to come back to tend to weather a bad stretch, whereas patients without it can feel completely unmoored by it.”

The Harms Last Longer Than the Conversations

The fear of future stigma can also be impactful.

“When someone receives praise for weight loss, the fear around what will happen if [the weight] comes back is not irrational,” says McClanahan. “Anticipatory stigma can quietly undermine a person’s relationship with their own progress.”

Instead of experiencing milestones as genuinely theirs, the person who lost weight may start holding those achievements loosely, bracing for a reversal, McClanahan adds. This can cause some people to disengage from the process entirely, a way of protecting themselves from a setback they’re already expecting.

Once someone uses another person’s reaction as proof they’re doing well, every comment after that can feel like a test of whether it’s still true, McClanahan says.

Meanwhile, shocked reactions can shake someone’s sense of identity.

“The double-take, the hand over the mouth, or the dramatic ‘Oh my God’ reactions can be deeply disorienting, even when they’re well-intentioned,” McClanahan says. That’s because it can make you feel as though your “before” weight was equally as shocking to others.

Here’s what Rogers says to avoid when noticing someone’s weight loss:

• Don’t pry into specific details like the number of pounds lost.
• Don’t explicitly call out the weight loss and don’t dwell on the topic.
• Don’t ask if they’re on medication, like GLP-1s.
• Don’t be judgmental about potential methods of weight loss, like GLP-1s.
• Don’t react with extreme shock or disbelief when you see the person.

3 Better Ways to Address Weight Loss

Use these tips to navigate conversations about weight loss.

1. Keep It Simple

If you find yourself inclined to comment to someone whose appearance has drastically changed, Rogers recommends keeping it simple: “You look great.”

Then, move on.

“Say the nice thing and then just keep going — either change the subject or ask something unrelated to their body,” McClanahan says. “For instance, ‘You look great! Anyway, did you catch the game last night?’”

2. Be Helpful

Alternatively, offer practical support: Rogers recounts one friend who told her she looked great, then offered her clothes as she was cleaning out her closet.

“When you’re going through body changes so rapidly, receiving clothes is actually very helpful,” Rogers says. “Otherwise, you have to buy new wardrobes at every different size you’re at.”

3. Don’t Say Anything About It

Remember: The person you’re speaking to is on their own unique journey. They don’t need — and often don’t benefit from — outside comments.

“I am not on this weight loss journey to get the cute ‘after’ picture to post,” Rogers says. “It’s something that I’m working on constantly, every day and every hour. I’m working hard on my internal validation, and I don’t need external validation.”