5 Healthy Ways to Express Anger

Anger can be totally healthy and normal. But that doesn’t mean it’s always a good idea to let this powerful emotion have free rein.

“Anger management is never about getting rid of feelings of anger, but learning how to manage those feelings when they show up,” says Philadelphia-based therapist Alisa Kamis-Brinda, LCSW, who owns Serenity Solutions, a group psychotherapy practice.

That’s because when anger goes unchecked, you may lose control and lash out in ways that are less productive and less safe, such as yelling at a loved one or being physically violent with yourself or others, says Los Angeles-based psychotherapist Mitchell Hale with Sawtelle Psychotherapy Group. Anger can also negatively affect your health.

1. Exercise

Breaking a sweat — however you like to do so — may help channel some of this energy into a positive outcome. For some people, exercise is a way to process anger, while for others, it’s a way to calm that anger response and return to equilibrium, Kamis-Brinda says.

2. Write in a Journal

If you’re new to journaling or new to using it specifically for anger, just start writing and see what happens. “Don’t worry about spelling, grammar, or if what you’re writing makes sense,” Kamis-Brinda says. “There’s no right or wrong, there are no rules. Just let it come out.”

Here are some prompts to try:

• What are some things I like about myself? This is a good one to try if you’re angry at yourself. Journal about self-compassion and the things you like about yourself, she says.
• What are some things that I’m grateful for? If you’re angry at external factors, try journaling about things you’re grateful for, she says.
• What happened and what am I telling myself about what happened? You can also try journaling to change your perspective: Write down what actually happened that led to your anger, and then what your mind is telling you about what happened.
• What else might explain what happened? Explore some other possibilities that challenge the assumptions you made above: Can you write out other explanations for whatever took place (that are based in fact) that don’t make you so angry? “That’s a way to get unstuck from one way of thinking,” Kamis-Brinda says.

More research is needed to fully understand the effects of journaling on anger, but it’s a low-risk, low-cost approach to try in the meantime.

3. Sing and Dance

Had a rough day? Something as simple as dancing around the living room to your favorite song and singing along at the top of your lungs may make you feel better.

This might work for you, as long as you consider it an opportunity to let go of whatever is bothering you, rather than a way to avoid thinking about your anger altogether, Kamis-Brinda says.

If you’re avoiding your anger, you risk stuffing it down inside of you, or repressing it, which might only lead to more heated angry outbursts down the line, she says. “Make sure you’re not jumping to, ‘Oh, I’m angry, I need to feel happy right away,’” Hale adds. “Give yourself that time to feel your anger.”

4. Use an ‘I’ Statement

You don’t have to express anger only in private. A productive, respectful conversation with someone who has made you angry can go a long way in improving your relationship with this person and with your anger.

For example, instead of saying, “You showed up late and it’s all your fault,” you might instead say something like, “I feel angry when you show up late,” Hale says. “Just that slight difference in how it’s communicated can really deescalate conversations,” he says.

This type of direct, assertive communication is effective when you’re angry, compared with aggressive, passive-aggressive, or passive forms of communication, Kamis-Brinda says.

“It involves taking responsibility for your feelings, not blaming another person for how you feel, and saying what you want or need,” she explains.

After explaining how you feel using an “I” statement, you might also add something like, “In the future, I would like for you to do this instead,” she says. This may help prevent conversations surrounding anger from becoming hostile.

5. Consider Professional Support

If the outlets above don’t help you feel in control of your anger, or if you feel like you get extremely angry very quickly and over minor triggers, it’s worth speaking with a mental health professional, Hale says.

In fact, whenever anger is getting in the way of things that are important to you, whether that’s romantic relationships, work opportunities, relationships with family and friends, or any other disruption, it’s worth reaching out for support, Kamis-Brinda says.

A professional can help you understand why you feel angry and identify environmental factors that you might be able to change to reduce your anger, as well as other strategies for letting some of your anger go, Hale adds.

The Takeaway

• Anger can be a normal, appropriate emotion, but letting it get the best of you can result in hurting yourself or others.
• Instead, try healthier, more constructive ways to express anger, such as exercise, journaling, and singing or dancing.
• A mental health professional can provide additional support if these methods don’t help you express your anger or if anger is disruptive to your daily life.