Building Community: The Key to Thriving Amid Cancer

Cancer is a long, winding path that looks different for everyone. This was true for me, my mom, my patients, and many others I have met along my journey. But the one thing we all had in common is that cancer is hard no matter how you have been affected by it. And contrary to popular belief, it doesn't end after cancer treatment ends.

My Story

I got a glimpse of this through my mom’s experience with premature menopause after undergoing chemotherapy in her 30s. She eventually got divorced in her 40s. Granted, the complications of menopause were not the only cause for her divorce, but they certainly played a big part.

Could things have played out differently if she had had a community to support her through what to expect and how to best navigate menopause and its effects on sexual health? Maybe, but she never had the chance to find out.

For me, it was different. I had a lot of uncertainty and fear — even a couple of weeks before my scheduled surgeries — about what the consequences of surgical menopause would be on my marriage. That’s when I met Allison.

Allison was a complete stranger. But she had come across one of my Instagram posts about my fears, and decided to send me a message. She shared that she was also a BRCA gene mutation carrier who was in surgical menopause after having risk-reducing surgery. She proceeded to give me tips, guidance, and things to consider from her own lived experiences — all of which helped me navigate the early months after menopause. She gave me the peace of mind I needed by telling me that everything on the other side would not just be okay, but even better! And she was so right! And the best part is that she continues to be one of my good friends even though we still haven’t met in person.

Since my surgeries in 2020, my Instagram inbox has been flooded with hundreds of similar messages from women in the same position I had been in. And it’s a joy to be able to pay the support forward, just like Allison did for me.

Social Connection Is a Need, Not a Want

As humans, we are wired for social connection. We simply need it to thrive. And when faced with a hardship in life, we need it to survive.

I have witnessed the transformative power of connection firsthand as a palliative care doctor, patient, family member, and a member of the cancer community. Each interaction has shown me that community builds hope and resilience, and reminds us that we are never alone.

Tips for Finding Connection and Community While Navigating Cancer

Cultivating connection and community doesn’t mean just having people around. It's about finding people who get you and what you are going through. It is about building quality connections that provide validation, compassion, and information that will empower you.

Your network, support group, community, or whatever you want to call it can be made up of friends, family, neighbors, internet cancer warriors, healthcare team members, church community, and more. Some of these people have their own lived experiences that you can learn from, while others may be there to be an extra voice in advocating for you. This collective force of support has one main goal: to uplift you.

Here are a few practical tips to help you build and cultivate a strong support network among various communities:

• Open up to family and friends. Family and existing friendships are perhaps the most obvious places you can find support. My advice would be to embrace vulnerability and open communication. Don't be afraid to share your thoughts and feelings on what you are going through and how your family and friends can show up for you most, especially once your treatment or surgeries are over. Countless patients have told me that they feel like a burden, but in reality, their loved ones want to be there for them; they simply may not know how. And remember, they may be navigating their own difficult emotions, including the fear of losing you.
• Explore social media. This was where I found some of the most important women on my journey — those who “got me” during my most challenging moments and inspired me with the hope of what is possible. The magic of social media is that it gives you the opportunity to connect with someone on the other side of the world who may be going through the exact same thing or who has overcome something similar. Social media can also be a great way to access information and expert advice to help you to make informed decisions.
• Join cancer support groups. These can be in person or online. Cancer support groups offer a safe space to share your experiences and learn from others who are in the same boat. Most cancer centers offer information on local support groups specific to cancer type or stage. They also provide support groups for loved ones and caregivers.
• Engage in local meetups and group activities. Sometimes you just want to forget about cancer for a while. Meeting and spending time with people who enjoy similar hobbies, such as yoga, painting, or sports, is another way to cultivate connection and a sense of belonging.
• Reach out to your spiritual and religious communities. If you are spiritual or religious, it’s important to nourish your spiritual well-being. Don’t be afraid to reach out to your spiritual or religious community for support, which may look like collective prayer, meditation, or a meal collection for you.
• Seek therapy and counseling. Navigating a genetic mutation or cancer diagnosis is an extremely difficult process, one that comes with a lot of uncertainty. Sometimes the most important person to connect with first is yourself.

Having a supportive community and social connection is vital for your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. There are abundant ways to cultivate a strong network of people who will lift you, guide you, empower you through the challenges and uncertainties of living with cancer, and help you feel less alone on this journey.