Do You Have Breast Cancer Guilt? Here's How to Cope With It

Types of Breast Cancer Guilt

Here are the most common sources of breast cancer guilt, according to our experts.

• Feeling Like a Burden You may need extra help from loved ones with things like transportation, childcare, or grocery shopping.

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• Past Lifestyle Choices People might hint that your lifestyle choices caused your cancer, or that you should have gotten screened sooner.

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• Surviving When you survive breast cancer but others don’t, you can feel survivor’s guilt.

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• Postponed Plans If you had been putting off activities before being diagnosed — like traveling or visiting your kids more often — you might feel that you’ve wasted time.
• Not Being Positive or Strong Enough You can feel guilt over your reaction to your diagnosis and treatment, thinking things like, “I should be handling this better.”
• Minimal Side Effects If you don’t have many or you have mild treatment side effects, you can feel guilty that others have “had it worse.”
• Type of Cancer Treatment If you don’t need chemotherapy, you might feel guilty that others needed it.

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“The most common breast cancer guilt I hear from patients is that they did not need chemotherapy,” says Candy Arentz, MD, a breast surgical oncologist at Houston Methodist West Hospital in Texas. “Many women feel guilty when they don’t have to go through the difficulty of chemotherapy and feel that they ‘got off easy’ or maybe they didn’t have ‘real cancer.’”

The Emotional and Physical Toll of Unaddressed Guilt

Schultz says that the stress of unaddressed guilt can lead to:

• Higher cortisol (stress hormone) levels

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• Less-effective immune system

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• Fatigue and trouble sleeping

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• Social withdrawal

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• Doing fewer self-care activities
• Not following treatment recommendations

How to Cope With Breast Cancer Guilt

As you process breast cancer guilt, you don’t have to worry about finding the one “right” way to do it, says Dr. Schultz. “Cancer impacts people in a variety of ways, and there is no prescribed way people should be feeling or managing their cancer experience.”

Practice Self-Compassion

• It’s okay to feel sad.
• I am worth the extra care I need.
• My life is important.

Speak With a Mental Health Professional

Tell Loved Ones How You Feel

Opening up to people you trust about the guilt you feel can be very empowering, says Schultz. “As people become more connected and attuned with their emotions and are able to express those emotions with themselves and others in a compassionate and nonjudgmental way, guilt and shame can begin to melt away,” she says.

Join a Support Group

Support groups can offer an emotional outlet to share your emotions and hear how others have managed theirs, says Arentz. You can even join multiple support groups to address different issues with each, Arentz says.

Your care team can help you find local support groups. You can also find online groups with these organizations:

• Breastcancer.org
• Susan G. Komen
• National Breast Cancer Foundation
• Living Beyond Breast Cancer
• SurvivingBreastCancer.org

Stay as Active as You Can

Make Plans to Find Joy

You don’t have to wait for guilt to disappear before you find moments of joy. Make plans with a friend. Celebrate a family birthday. Go on that trip.

When to Seek Professional Support

Breast cancer often brings a wide range of emotions, including guilt, and sometimes you may need extra help to manage them.

Schultz recommends asking for professional mental health support if:

• Negative emotions get more intense
• These feelings interfere with your ability to do daily tasks
• Feelings of guilt affect your quality of life

Thompson checks her patients’ mental health at every visit with a “stress thermometer.” If they score high, she asks if she can refer them to another provider for additional help.